Life with three kids is honestly better than I expected! I was very nervous about being alone and having to raise three because I’m out numbered! The reality of these 3 months is quite simple of the fact that I’m much more stronger, wiser and prepared than I ever had imagined. I feel as if I doubt myself in every situation and this one I’ve come out on top!
I never truly get to “rest” I’m constantly doing something whether it’s making food, feeding Oaklynn, changing a diaper, screaming “stop screaming” life doesn’t stop anymore.
The girls adjusted to Oaklynn very well, which Peyton and I are so extremely grateful for. I’ve learned that with Paighton and Emmalynn I had some Postpartum depression and with Oaklynn I didn’t get it. I realized that since I had Paighton I’ve slowly let me self go. And after Emmalynns pregnancy I didn’t care what I looked like, my self appearance was so low I continued to dress in public the way I would dress when I was home with my girls. My signature look was my hair in a bun and no make up on and clothes I would sleep in. It was my sign of postpartum depression and I had no idea till I had Oaklynn. Breaking this three year habit has been hard, I’m so use to putting my girls first no matter what i never did anything for myself! I barely brushed my hair, didn’t buy new clothes and self appearance was out the window. I wasn’t sad at all I just didn’t care about the way I looked anymore.
The amazing part about this is my husband loved me even when I truly didn’t care for myself! I know it’s not easy to watch the person you love fall apart and for them to not even know they are.
Postpartum depression can happen at any time and can affect a mom in so many ways. Most people just think it’s the mom being upset or not wanting to continue to do anything because they are stuck in a funk. But others like myself and stop doing things they once use to do.
I’m working on myself this time, I’m learning to take the time to do my hair, take a shower, brush my teeth and put make up on. I’m learning that my kids can be included when I get ready so they don’t cry and feel left out. But at some points I too can take 5 minutes for myself and put on mascara. My outfits don’t always need to consist of Peyton’s t shirts and shorts. I can learn to love my body that grew a human and instead of trying to fit in my old clothes I can just buy a bigger size. Motherhood is so hard, and with postpartum depression it can seem like a never ending cycle. But you got this mama! Take one day at a time, complete one simple task a day for yourself and learn that it takes time to undo old habits!