At this time in my recovery I’ve finally realized why I can’t truly write about my experience. My labor with Oaklynn wasn’t one I truly want to remember. Labor is hard, exhausting, messy, extremely bloody.

Your body is changing, adapting and in pain all at once. I have a high pain tolerance however when I was in labor with Oaklynn I did in fact ask for a epidural but Oaklynn was about to crown which means it was too late and the worst pain was about to happen. While I was in excruciating pain I had to keep a mask on, I’m all for being safe during the pandemic but why?? Why does a mother in labor have to wear a mask ? She’s already very uncomfortable, her breathing is fast and shallow as she’s trying to navigate what her body is suppose to be doing. So why does she need to wear a mask if all the doctors in the room are geared up with their own personal mask.

I was begging the nurses to take off my mask, I couldn’t breathe and was laboring naturally. To some respect I wish I didn’t have any for the people in the room because I couldn’t breathe. I was the mother on the labor bed screaming in unbearable pain and I COULDN’T BREATHE, my babies heart rate dropped because I couldn’t breathe due to wearing a mask that was suppose to protect the ones around me from covid. Which they didn’t know if I had or not because the nurses didn’t take the time to give me a test when I first arrived. In fact the nurse didn’t give me a covid test till I was pushing! I can’t seem to understand why at that moment when I was pushing out a baby the nurse decided it was the perfect time to stick a q-tip up my nose? But the hour and a half before I started to push wasn’t?

To think matters couldn’t get any worst it does..

As I was pushing I had to take a break because I started to feel hot, (yes the mask wasn’t helping). When I told them my two nurses started singing, yes singing “feeling Hot,hot,hot” not trying to cool me down, or help my situation. At that moment I felt extremely upset because they took a moment where I was most vulnerable and turned it into a joke. At that moment I sure was not laughing.

When a mother is laboring she’s in a state of sometimes panic, distress, fear of the unknown along with being excited, happy and so ready to meet her baby. So when a nurse or doctor doesn’t take their job seriously it affects the patient. I was exhausted because my body was pushing out a baby without me even voluntarily trying. when I would tell my nurse she would tell me “I had a while to go”, which in fact I didn’t not. I had Oaklynn in 4 hours, barely made it to the hospital. When I arrived it was 7:14pm and I was at 3cm, to pushing her out and holding her at 9:30pm.

In all three labors the nurses never took my word when I told them my baby was coming, I understand with my first baby that they didn’t think I knew what I was feeling but with my 2nd and 3rd labor I’m pretty sure I know exactly what I was talking about when I said my baby was coming and sure enough I was right!

Oaklynns labor was a test of my strength and ability to control my body. Her labor made me realize that I definitely do not want to labor naturally ever again and that I will gladly ask for the epidural as soon as I can! I’ve held off with oaklynns labor journey because it was awful. I remember the moment I wanted to give up. I was in the moments of pushing, exhausted and mentally just wasn’t ready. My nurses were singing and my body was leading the way but I didn’t want to follow. I didn’t want to be in pain anymore. I had no control, screaming to the top of my lungs at every contraction. I didn’t have any faith in myself that I could push her out because I was just in so much pain. But I knew the only way to stop it all was to push past it. Bear down and push with ever ounce of energy I had left. At 9:30pm a beautiful baby girl entered the world weighing in at 8lbs 1oz and a head full of hair. My life was forever changed!

Holding her for the first time made me feel like I was a new person. I didn’t have the energy to cry, but my soul was happy! I couldn’t be more proud of myself for doing what I thought was impossible!!!! She broke me but made me whole. She brought my body physical pain but made me love harder. Oaklynn is the a perfect addition to our family!