This questions was a hard one for me to answer so I knew I had to address it some way or another but I needed to Learn my answer for myself first. Becoming a mother at a young age made my answer to this question seem easy. Now nearly three kids later my answer I once had, has changed.
I feel as if you were to ask a first time mom “does her kids come first” her answer would be a bit different than a “season” mother. Now my reason behind my theory would be because when you first become a mom you’re life revolves around this tiny little human who 100 percent needs you for every waking second! They need you to change their diapers, give them a bath, feed them, make sure they are warm and the list goes on! There’s legit a 100 different things you have to do and provide to keep this little human alive. Parenting is hard, but it’s the most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life.
Today I’m 35 weeks pregnant with baby girl #3 and I just wanted to get in a quick shower before Emmalynn woke up from her nap. She sleeps for about a hour and a half at the most so I knew I had time when I put her down. 30 minutes of her nap time passed and I was nearly done with my daily social media posting for my business pages. Finally was able to get up and move away from her still sleeping on the couch. I changed Paightons movie to something she liked better and I started the shower in our master bedroom. And just my luck I see a sleepy eyed baby girl walking sluggish into my bathroom as I’m getting ready to have 5 minutes to myself. Paighton came running in saying “Mommy Emmy woke up” as if I hadn’t already known because she was standing right next to me.
This is when the tears started rolling and toddlers were soon to become disappointed. Both girls love taking baths and at this moment I didn’t want anyone to occupy me as I just wanted to wash off and get out. No lavish hair routine, just a quick in and out to feel better. At that moment I knew I could say no and I didn’t have to feel bad that I had a toddler crying right outside my shower curtain and another storm off to her bed room because I wouldn’t let her join me as I always do.
In a aspect my kids do come first, but I believe in that moment I was allowed to get 5 minutes for myself out of the 24 hours I care for them. 23 hours and 55 minutes I’m hands on and catering to there every need. Today I said no for 5 minutes to give myself sometime which I never do! As a mother, and especially a stay at home mom we deserve to say no at times because we are still humans. You have to take care of yourself first so you can take care of them. And that’s been the hardest lesson I’ve ever had to learn.
Now with baby #3 arriving in 5 weeks or less I know that taking time for a simple shower isn’t being selfish or not catering to your child but it’s the right thing to do for your child. As mother’s we get so caught up in the best education, the nicest clothes, healthiest food and best activities for our kids we tend to forget ourselves at time. I’ve decided that I need to make time for myself, I need to take the extra 5 minutes in the shower instead of rushing. I need to let Peyton help out a little more and give him some of the responsibilities that I tend to take on. It’s such a stereotype that moms know more than dads. But it’s because moms tend to not allow the dads to know as much. what I’m saying by that is as mother’s we tend to do everything ourselves because we have a certain way of doing things. And when we ask the father to help out and he does it differently we get upset, or just don’t ask him again. And that’s our faults, we are failing our fathers.
We rely on the dads at first for so much, such as blessing us with the baby in the first place. Rubbing our backs when we are having contractions. Building the cribs, putting the car seats in, running to the store at 1am because we have a craving and the list goes on. But it seems as if when the baby gets here we take on all the responsibilities the father has no idea how to do anything because he doesn’t have to. I’m truly guilty at this one! Peyton doesn’t know certain things like when doctor appointments are scheduled for the kids, who their dentist is and what style or size underwear P wears because I do it. But what if moms did let dads do more things? The saying “oh dads don’t know much about the kids” would possibly go away.
By allowing myself to step back and let Peyton parent more has made me realize I can do things for myself. I’m still a person besides being a mom and I’m in my prime years, I just turned 22! I don’t go out and party, or even like to go out in general but allowing Peyton to cook dinner more often and give the girls a bath after gives me some “alone” time while I’m cleaning up the kitchen and putting away left overs. So do our kids come first? Maybe for 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day but those 5 minutes are all mine! And soon it will go up and I will eventually find myself taking a hour or more. But till than I’ll be glad with my 5 minutes of the day because it’s a stepping stone I had to learn.