I feel like maybe I’ve already written a blog about this but I feel like as I’ve grown through my blogs and I decided to write it again. As a teen mom myself I have gone through a lot of stressful and amazing experience as a young person. I have been blessed with being pregnant with two little girls before the age of 20.
It. Has. Not. Been. Easy.
Being a young mom has pros and cons in any situations. I won’t tell you it’s been the worst situation and you should not have kids at all Because that is not true!!! I recently asked on my social media for question to be sent to me about marriage, parenting and just about me. I got a good question that mostly everyone wants to ask me! They asked was being a young parent hard or scary?
My question is yes! For both parts, it’s hard on so many levels that most people do not see, I only put out what I want the public to see. Where we are today is not where we started and definitely isn’t where we will end! Parenting isn’t the hard part, what was hard at first was the financial aspect of it. I worked at tractor supply making $8 a hour, working from 5am-10am than going to school and heading to feed my pig for Ffa and taking care of my horses just to go back at 5pm and work till closing which was at 10pm. My schedule at first was honestly quite hectic but I needed to save all the money I could just to be able to afford diapers. I soon realized that lifting heavy feed bags for work wasn’t a good idea so I decided to find a new job. Thankfully I was hired on with an amazing team at Bootbarn and I worked all the way up till I physically could not work anymore. I was sad to leave that job as everyone was very sweet to me and I met a lot of kind people. Even thought I only made $8.75 a hour I was still really blessed to stash some money in the bank for emergencies and supplies for our daughter. For Peyton when we found out I was pregnant he was working at O’reillys. If you didn’t know what where Peyton and I met! He quickly came to term that the little money he was making wasn’t enough to support our little family so he got a new job at Firestone that truly helped us out! With the grace of God he was hired on to Auto Nation Chevy working as a mechanic. With this job we were able to afford our first home together. We rented a duplex just across the street from the high school we graduated at. It was a one bed one bath little home about 750 sq ft. Which is now about the size of our living room and one of the baths combined. The financial part of being a young parent is scary! Babies need so many things you would never guess they needed. And Just when you thought something as simple as baby soap could cost so much.
Here’s just a quick list of what you have to look for when you think about having a baby at a young age!
Not only was the financial aspect hard on us but our relationship Was definitely tested as a couple! Before we moved out into our duplex Peyton moved into my moms house the day Paighton was brought home from the hospital. It was a lot of change all at once for everyone. Peyton and I had never lived together before and we now not only had to learn to live with each other but learn to live with a newborn as well. All under my moms roof for the first month of our daughters life. Our relationship was tested time after time as we got used to this new life we now had. I don’t know why but some people change once you have a baby, now I’m not talking about my husband but I will say people around us started to get more “confident” in the things they said. Most of them being negative and that put a huge road block in Our relationship that we still deal with today and have decided to step back from. This time in my life I was a freshly new mom who had absolutely no idea as to what I was doing and when people see a new mom your prone to have opinions thrown in your face. Oh and did I forget to mention I was a teen mom? Oh yeah the opinions were like hot cakes everyone knows they are bad for you but they stick to you for years to come.
Sweet heart, I have dealt with my fair share of unwanted flat jacks that added pounds to my scale. This was a hard time in my parenting journey because I had “relationships ” with people who didn’t know when to lock it up and just completely desegregate the key all together. I mean it would of made my life 200 percent easier. When I experienced this part of my journey it really affected the way I evaluated my parenting ways. Then it hit me, these people were willing to talk poorly about me (to my face, behind my back, around the corner, and probably way back) rather than applaud me for my efforts in trying my way of parenting.
Like my grandma says “Oh Girlllfriend”
They would rather beat me down till I gave in and went to their parenting way rather than be happy that I took responsibility of my child instead of having my mom raise her like some people my age would have to do. It’s like being a young mom just slaps stupid across your forehead and people automatically think I’m incapable of being just a good enough parent as a 30 year old woman who is a young mom too. I’m so thankful I’m older and have learned to work off the extra calories those hot cakes left me because some people aren’t worth fighting over when they are just plain RUDE!
Thankfully Peyton and I had lots of help when we started classes at the Pregnancy Help Center of west Houston. We went to classes every Wednesday after school and used our points to stock up on diapers, wipes, cribs, even a toddler bed when P got older, clothes like a abundance of clothes. Because of this amazing program that helps moms of all ages in all stages of life we didn’t have to buy diapers till Paighton was nearly two years old!! By that time the diapers were for Emmalynn.
The Statistics are already against Our relationship from the start and I now see why.
Financial hardship, relationship struggles and don’t forget your future. Now there’s two parts to this scenario the first part would be a young lady who has decided to be a stay at home mom. Her education Plan can altered at times. Some moms have decided that staying home raising their baby is the best thing for them to do at that time which caused her to put her education on the back burner. I know this happened with me I took a year off after graduating high school to be able to focus on my child 100%. Do I regret this decision that I made? Most definitely not! In my own opinion I would rather take a year off and enjoy the first year of Paightons life with all of the first, like her first step, first words, first crawls. I was There for everything and I never want to regret my decision to stay home with her.
Other moms do not have the luxury to be home with there baby. They either have to attend college right away or find a job to support her family. Either decision someone makes is a choice they though was best for them. I feel like I’ve had the chance to experience both ways now. I don’t have to leave to attend college as it’s on my computer thankfully but I was given the opportunity to work for sign Gypsies Katy. By far this has been my favorite job because my boss is truly like one of our close Friends. But besides the point I have had to leave both girls at night for a few hours while we worked and even though it’s good for me to make my own money to stash in savings I miss my girls so much and do not complain when we have a off day. Basically what I’m trying to say is having a baby young can change the road you expect to go on when it comes to your education.
Even for a dad, sometimes college isn’t a option and going straight to working full time is something he has to do. For Peyton he went to school in the morning and worked a part time job as a mechanic after. Peyton had the luxury of attending college in person to get a certificate in automotive. He was even featured in the HCC college automotive commercial! Just Click the button below to go watch it!
Being a teen/ young parent is rough! Some people automatically just don’t give you as much respect because of your age. That truly frustrated me so much because I felt like I constantly had to bite my whole mouth shut to save myself. The reason I say that is because I could be having a conversation about something as simple as Medicaid which is a insurance, and the lady on the phone ask for my age. When they would find out I was 18 the attitude just over flowed my cup. However if I were to “clap back” with the exact same energy they would oh so nicely give I would AuToMaTiCaLy be typical disrespectful teenager.
You see the cards we have to play!!!!!!!!
I know some people will say “well, you put yourself in the situation to be a teen mom”.
Well no duh Sherlock homes, I wasn’t expecting a flatscreen tv to return from my actions. A puppy wasn’t gonna fall out of the sky and most definitely wasn’t expecting a bird to drop the baby off at my door step, and even if it did I already know it would have a great attitude for me too….thinking, “you know protection is cheaper than diapers right, or are you just dumb?.
I’ve taken multiple backlashes from people my own age. Sometimes in high school when I would walk the halls I would see a group of old friends I use to be really close with in junior high and freshman year. When they saw I was pregnant it’s like my belly had a magnetic for eyeballs and no one could resist the force to say something judgmental. I will say tho that I had more good support than I thought I would have! Especially since I started writing about my journey back in high school I had a good support team behind me making me feel proud to be proud of my baby! I always told myself this when I got nervous to go anywhere big pregnant. If you wouldn’t hide your baby why would you hide your belly? I would replay this in my head over and over again. I felt as if people could hear me saying this out loud!
Don’t want to forget to mention but you know that saying “when life happens you know who your true friends are” or something like that but it’s sadly true! The friends I had been friends with FOR YEARS just disappeared. One of them really had the heart to tell me that “it was too much responsibility for him” last time I checked, I was the one having the baby?
That was a hard part about being pregnant in high school. Especially senior year because that’s all anyone will ever remember me as, the girl who got pregnant in high school! I will say the friends I had were amazing, my best friend from high school jasmine, was literally my gift of life. No matter what kind of day I was having I could always count on her to make me laugh uncontrollably. She would even walk the hallways with me to my next class and had no fear of how people would judge her for hanging out with me! In fact we even twined on twin day !
After Paighton was born Jasmine even helped me by tagging along to get me into college. I remember so clear as day, walking into lone star (the college I wanted to just enroll in back then) with a newborn baby about 6 weeks old and trying to sign up for college classes.
Ana was my saving grace, in fact she was actually the first person I told I was pregnant to. I remember sitting in English class super nervous that I would speak too loud and expose myself to the whole class. Her reaction was just want I needed at that time in my life! She was calm, excited but very supportive since day one! She even threw me a baby shower that was just absolutely beautiful and pink!!!
As teenagers just graduated high school you would of never thought to think we would be planning a baby shower. But Ana pulled it off and made it so special for me! The fact that she had time to decorate each gift box to make it look like a unicorn and create games to play was a very special memory for me! You impacted my life senior year and helped me get through one of the most life changing experience I have ever had!
These are just a few of the friends I had that supported me through my journey. Like in any life situation you find “your people” the people are are going through the same thing.
Still today these are my people, life has been a wild ride with them. But I thank God for the memories! Having a baby young will completely change your life. In good and bad ways. It will test your courage, patience and even your will power. My advice for young girls who want to get pregnant I would say wait till you think it’s the right time. Not because I don’t love my girls but because Life would be a lot easier if I did. Most importantly a baby will not help save your relationship! I can’t say this enough, a baby will not strength it either! In fact it will crush ur relationship if it’s not strong enough! If you are headed towards this situation by all means it will be hard but it’s not impossible!