The Question I tend to receive now a days is,
“How do you keep it together?”
“How are you always so positive?”
The reality of it all is that this journey isn’t for the weak. I’ve cried, been frustrated, confused, doubtful, happy and excited all within these last four weeks. Peyton and I have never dreamed that this journey would be in our path. We have already had to grow up so fast and now we get a truck load (literally) of responsibility at our door step. Some days are easier than most, and some days I want to get in my car and just drive to no where with no destination with Peyton and the girls. That’s the truth of it all. I truly rely on Peyton as my therapist at this time. I call him when I’m happy, to tell him the good news on how I passed my test for a hard class I’m taking right now in college. I even call him when the weight on my motherly shoulders is starting to shake so hard I feel as if I’m gonna fall. I have cried in the phone asking him “why did I do this”. Not in the sense of “What did I get myself into” but yes along those lines. It’s any normal human beings thought that would cross the human mind at a point in time.
The clear fact of it all is that we are conquering this journey. It might not seem like we are thriving right about now but at the end when we look back I know we will smile. I try to keep myself positive at all times to help my mind from being overly worked I would say. It’s better to see the cup half full than to see it half empty when you probably have no strength left. I’ve had an opportunity to give up and say I couldn’t handle this anymore. But Peyton and I decided to keep fighting and continue what we started for the kids. Some days they are amazing and everything goes smoothly. Other days some of them want to test my patience and do some questionable things. Who knew the amount of sass that could come out of a SEVEN year old. Kids will be kids but wow has my parenting experience sky rocketed from a two year old view to an almost teenager.
My sanity is at a graves zone I would call it. It’s visible but no one’s there. I keep myself on my daily new normal and try to make it as fun as possible. I have truly involved myself with so much work that I keep my brain occupied. Blogging has once again became another sense of relaxation. I love writing about the real raw truth of my life. And it gives me a space to release the amount of stress I tend to keep inside. In this unexpected time Peyton and I’s one year of marriage is coming up and I can’t wait for him to see what I got him!
Check out our last YouTube video to see a few of the gifts I got him already!
Life is unexpected, and I can say Peyton and I have dealt with a lot more in 2020 then we thought we could handle. Just for a recap, we moved into our a bigger apartment, Peyton got laid off from his job 1 week before my DUE DATE. We had our second little Middleton, Miss Emmalynn during a Global Pandemic. If that wasn’t scary enough God said hold my beer I’ll show you what more I could throw in your direction. Lets make them legal Guardians to four more children. Y’all know that saying “you can’t have your cake and eat it too”, well if I want cake best believe after 2020s experience I’m definitely eating it ALL!
My hopes are that this holiday season brings back kindness and blessing to everyone that comes across my blog reading this. I pray that the struggles your going through aren’t overwhelming. I pray that the job you interviewed for calls you back and hires you with a pay raise. I pray that your mental health is great and that you know your worth. I pray that the obstacles you have to face are parted like waves and you can walk through them knowing YOU GOT THIS! lastly I pray that you know God is greater than the highs and lows of life. You are worthy, you are loved and you are important.💛