Our First Marriage Matters meeting!

What is Marriage Matters?

http://www.whatisgrace.org/default.aspx?p=155866&evtid=662696:4/9/2018

Learn how to renew and strengthen your marriage, have a deeper level of communication with your spouse, and grow in authentic intimacy in your marriage!

Our first thought was let’s just go and see what this program can do for us. After all we are still having to mature as adults and grow up with each other. No ones marriage will ever be “perfect” and everyone will have problems regardless.

”If you marry, you have not sinned, but you will have trouble.”

1 Corinthians 7:28

I do believe God blessed Peyton and I even more because we are married. So many doors have opened up after we got married and I believe 100 percent because God blessed us for taking a step further in our relationship. Many people may not agree or believe in what I have to say with this blog and that’s okay.

“God designed marriage. It was not deigned by men and women.”

Genesis 2:18-25

Living in a marriage has been a huge blessing for Peyton and I. We have grown closer to God which is an amazing feeling but also we are now connected as one spiritually. Deciding to go to this marriage matters group lead by our church was a huge step for us. Sitting in our first meeting and hearing everyone’s stories as to why they decided to join was very eye opening. Seeing how you can look at a couple and think they have a good marriage, to be completely surprised as to what’s going on behind close doors.

Our first session was “The Crazy Cycle”

Dr.Emerson Eggerichs, the crazy cycle/RNM/Session 1,4 

“Have you not read”, he replied, “that the beginning the Creator made them male and female.”

Matthew 19:4

Here are a few discussions questions to think about with your partner.

• Have you ever had a conflict with your spouse when suddenly the issue is no longer the issue that started the conflict did not seem to be the issue anymore?

• How is it that when men and woman say the same thing, they mean something very different?

Here are some point of views..

• Many couples can relate to the Crazy Cycle: two good willed people who love each other but have very different methods of working through conflict which are based on what each feels they need rather than on what their spouse needs.

• Many couples do not listen to their spouses needs. Instead they are fighting to be heard, talking when their spouse is talking, and not trying to understand their perspective and needs!

“Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 5:33

Here are some point of views…

•. There are going to be moments of tension and conflict. God has designed our relationships to be like that.

• Ephesians 5:33 gives us wisdom and insights to a marriage. It is a powerful statement. Dr. Eggerichs refers to it as God giving his last words on marriage!

What is the crazy cycle?

When conflict arises, the wife is not waiting for his respect and the husband is not wandering is she loves him. If he reacts without love and she responds without respect, the Crazy Cycle begins. The spinning of this cycle will forever continue if talking over each other without trying to understand the other’s perspective. In a relationship there should not be a dominant person as each should be held equal to each other. Wife’s shouldn’t make the “rules” as to what your husbands can do and cannot do. As the wife is not the mother of the husband.

I believe so heavily that when Peyton feels the need to ask me if he can do something it’s out of respect for me and our family but NEVER should it be to get my permission as I am not his mother.

How can you break the Crazy Cycle?

• The key to getting off the crazy cycle is always keeping in mind 1 Corinthians 7:33-34. It says “but one who is married is concerned about the things of this world, how he or she may pleasure their spouse!” Your husband or wife is no expectation they desire to please you!

What Peyton and I have agreed on is that we won’t go hours or days without talking to each other just because we had a disagreement. We simply take our time to realize why we are mad and go to each other and talk it out.

• Your spouse is Not your enemy! Don’t trample them in anger and contempt! Treat them as your equal.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 5:21

Your marriage is a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ and God is using your spouse to bring you an eternal reward!

Knowing this makes me extremely grateful because I know that God put Peyton in my life for a reason! Peyton and I have this saying “ till death and after” because we not only want to spend the rest of our days in the physical world but also for eternity. I was reminded in this session to always believe in my husbands good nature when we are upset with each other. If I throw stones and bricks his heart will become damaged and distorted. Which is the last thing I would want to happen. Having troubles in your marriage is all apart of the “for better or worst” vows we took. However we keep in mind “till death do us part” because being in a marriage is hard work.

This session really opened our eyes to know that conflict will happen there’s no way around it but how you resolve the conflict will keep your marriage and relationship happy and healthy! I hope you loved this first session of Marriage Matters because so far it’s been an amazing experience for Peyton and I.

Take the 5 love languages Quiz! Write down the number you chose to find out your results at the end!

Personal Preference 1

1. I like to receive letters, thank you notes and cards.

2. I like to spending one on one time with those I love.

3. A thoughtful gift goes a long way with me.

4. When others help me it means a lot.

5. Nothing says I love you more than a big warm hug.

Personal Preference 2

1. Acknowledgement makes me feel loved.

2. Togetherness makes me feel loved.

3. Tangible expressions of love mean the most.

4. When you help me I feel loved the most.

5. A hug makes me feel loved

Personal Preference 3

1. I value praise and avoid criticism.

2. I value conversation and closeness.

3. I value little thoughtful gifts.

4. I value help and kind assistance.

5. I value affection and warm embraces.

Personal Preference 4

1. I like when you compliment my appearance.

2. I like when my feelings are understood.

3. I like receiving gifts on my birthday.

4. I like when you help me around the house.

5. An unexpected kiss makes me feel loved.

Personal Preference 5

1. Encouraging words.

2. Undivided attention.

3. Heartfelt gifts.

4. Team work.

5. Holding hands.

Personal Preference 6

1. I feel loved when I receive meaningful words on my birthday.

2. I feel unloved when you interrupt me and half listen.

3. A gift let’s me know you were thinking of me.

4. I feel loved when you help me with projects around the house.

5. Cuddling closely is the best part of my day.

Personal Preference 7

1. I feel loved when you tell me I’m appreciated.

2. Eye contact let’s me know someone really cares.

3. Several inexpensive gifts mean more to me than one large expensive gift.

4. Your actions speak louder than words to me.

5. I feel closer to you when we hold each other.

Personal Preference 8

1. It makes me upset when people don’t keep their word.

2. I look forward to lunch dates with friends.

3. When you surprise me with a gift I’ll never forget it.

4. I’m inspired when people pitch in to help me.

5. If I’ve had a long day, a massage helps me forget it.

Personal Preference 9

1. I cherish letter written to me.

2. I enjoy walks and talks on the beach.

3. I put in a lot of time into the gifts I give.

4. I feel unloved when I’m working and no one offers to help.

5. I enjoy slow dancing with the one I love.

Personal performance 10

1. I have daily affirmations that I say when I’m down.

2. Talking things through with others truly helps me.

3. I have little gifts with sentimental value at my desk.

4. I appreciate the many things you do for me.

5. I need to be held when I’m sick.

Your results of your love languages

1. Words of Affirmation

Words matter to you and are most important when coming from the ones you love. You enjoy verbal compliments , words of appreciation or simple straight forward statemebts

2. Quality time

Nothing says “I love you” to you more than full, undivided attention. Distractions, postponed dates or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Being present with the Tv off, fork and knife down, and all the chores set aside- makes you feel truly special, and loved. Quality time also means sharing quality sharing conversations.

3. Receiving Gifts

You are very far from being materialistic. The joy and love you receive relay in the thoughtfulness and effort someone invested. The best gifts received are the ones that communication that you are known.

4. Acts of service

Cleaning up the house, vacuuming the floors or waking upp early to prepare a delicious breakfast are all ways that express love. The words that make your day the most are: “let me take care of that for you.” A good dead or random act of kindness goes a long way with you.

5. Physical Touch

This language goes far beyond the bedroom. In fact, you love to cuddle with absolutely no ulterior motives. Public display of affection- holding hands, pats on the back and hugs communicate care and brings you great joy!

Remember to share your results with your spouse!