Positive As it gets!

For a few days my body felt off, the morning sickness hit me and my first thought wasn’t that I could or might be PREGNANT!! My initial thought was to blame the nausea on breastfeeding. Like the jokester Peyton is he always likes to pop the question…are you pregnant??

But this time the question wasn’t just a laugh it off and move on from the subject. It was more of a paused moment in time where we really thought about it a little harder than we would normally. To early to test I didn’t want to wait any longer to find out.

Are we ready for another baby?

Will I still be able to breastfeed Paighton?

Will I fit in my wedding dress?

Is Paighton too young for a sibling?

without even thinking twice I knew that I wanted to take a test. First response “6 days before your missed period”. Read on the box, I knew that if it came out negative that was okay because I still had 8 days before my expected period was suppose to come. My nerves were not shaking because I knew what ever this test read we could get through it.

Taking a test this time was a different feeling than it was with Paighton. I wasn’t a 17 (3 days before my 18th birthday) year old who still had her senior year to get through. I wouldn’t have to endure the judgement I got from my classmates. Which is actually wild to me was the only people that had something rude to say or was “talking” behind my back were people in FFA. As if everyone in that program was so spotless of doing something out the norm that they had to say rude things about me. Where are y’all now??? Still acting like the animals y’all raised.

You would think that they would be the first group to support me and show me love. As if being pregnant and walking the hallways of high school wasn’t enough to bare. However not everyone was rude, I did have people who couldn’t wait to meet my baby girl.

Like any normal pregnancy test I peed on the stick and waited the longest two minutes of the century. We had hope of a positive but we weren’t gonna be upset if it wasn’t. I turned the test over and at first I automatically said “we aren’t pregnant”. With Peyton just being hisself he investigated the test as if what I said was wrong. In fact a second later he came to me and said “do you see that faint line too??”

We of course not my immediate reaction set off. I grabbed the test and sure enough a faint line was present. July 21,2019 we had our unofficial positive test. Our little family was growing bigger and we were so blessed. Two days later cloud nine turned into a thunderstorm of mixed emotions. The next four test we took over a course of almost a week shot our excitement down. All the test we took came back negative, no faint lines. Our spirits were crushed my mind was so confused but the fear of facing a chemical pregnancy was all I could think about.

Did I have a miscarriage?

Was my baby already in heaven before I could get a positive test?

Questions after questions filled my google search bar and the same answers I got. Maybe we didn’t see a faint line and it just showed up after the five minute mark? It could also be a false positive which people can get. I finally decided that I wasn’t gonna take another test till I actually missed my period. Three days late and I had the idea that it was just irregular since this was only the third period I was suppose to get after having Paighton. My body was just trying to get into the swing of things again. Paighton’s first birthday passed which got our minds off of the whole pregnancy situation. All this time Peyton had a gut feeling that I indeed was actually pregnant.

Like any first time mom I cried almost the whole day of Paighton’s actual birthday, happy tears of the fact that I had accomplished one whole year of breastfeeding without formula! And just the memories that came along this day a year ago. It was emotional because I conquered the hardest thing in my life which was have a natural unmediated birth. I felt every ache and pain my body was going through. Which isn’t something a lot of woman can say they conquered. To me that was a accomplishment I hold over my head so proudly.

My period was late, and I was starting to wonder what was going on. For the last week all the test I took were negative so why wasn’t my period showing up. I remember that it was late at night when I asked Peyton for us to make a trip to Walmart. 15 minutes later we were back home with 2 test and a gut feeling of it being negative again.

I knew for myself I needed to take the test without Peyton so that I could have a moment to myself to process the results. That night I was filling a candle order so naturally Peyton watched P so I could get my work done. I knew that this was the perfect opportunity to take the test alone. Three minutes later I walked back into the bathroom flipped the test over and two solid lines were telling me I was pregnant. I was completely shocked to the point I forgot to breathe. I immediately took the next tests and waited the three minutes again. In this whole six minutes peyton thought the whole time I was making candles but in reality I had just found out that our family was now a family of four. The next test yet again came out positive and my heart was sooo happy. I grabbed both test and walked out into the living room where I found Peyton and P dancing to the ABC song. I sat down next to Peyton and I looked at P and said “Paighton your gonna be a big sister”.

Peyton’s face lit up and we both started crying while holding our positive test. This is what our family needed. We knew we needed another blessing. Our family was growing and so were our hearts. Baby #2 you are already so loved and we are all soo excited to see this new journey you take us on. From this day on our lives will never be the same.

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